Sunday, July 6, 2008

Sword Quest 2

Once upon a time, in the ancient kingdom of East San Jose...

After my 9th birthday, my endless and persistent lusting to own a sword finally prevailed! My sword-quest had become something of a joke to my parents - and this can work wonders on the universe. Thus it was one fine day, while at the San Jose Flea Market, I found a shimmering and magical sword! Actually, it was a junky old German bayonet, but not to ME! I saw a blade that would defeat the meanest giant Japanese rubber-suited monster. This sword was something to wear proudly into the wilderness - hunting gold and dragons and adventure!

I picked up the flea-market bayonet from the table -- and a glow from the heavens shined down on me and the shopkeeper bowed and accepted me as the new and proper owner of this sword... Or at least my dad felt sorry for me, or something, and paid the guy. Whatever happened, I was presented with my FIRST REAL SWORD EVER!!!!

I'm sure my father began an instant lecture about safety, but I heard only the ceremonious dubbing of a Knight and the somber bestowing of a fearsome and magical weapon. I needed help getting it out of the rusty metal sheath, but once freed, I knew I held something special. This was no lame weapon of peasants or knaves - I was armed with glittering steel.

When my family laughed at me later that day, as I strutted past armed and serious, I knew they were but fools! Laugh FOOLS! Who will you come crying to when mutant tarantulas attack?

The small weed-strewn patch between my house and the neighbor's house was no risk for me now. Not even scary. I did not fear dragons or ants or even BEES. I was the master of these lands. Oh yeah. Just ask that trash can I beat the hell out of.

---Thanks dad, for trusting me with that first sword. No harm ever came of it, except to lousy inanimate objects that were clearly in the wrong.

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